'NO! Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything!'
'Don't I know anything? YOU ARE FUCKING CUTTING YOURSELF! AND WHY? IS IT BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE HEART IS BROKEN? IS YOUR LIFE TOO HARD?' his gaze pierced into mine. his words dripping with sarcasm and incomprehension drilled a hole inside of me. i felt lonely. i needed to go. but first i had to say it, it had been nagging me for to long, tugging in my mind to come out. this was it.
'I don't cut myself because it hurts. I eat because everything hurts. I've been eating for years, bad things. AND I CUT MYSELF BECAUSE I EAT WHEN IT HURTS, DON'T YOU GET IT YET? No, right, sorry, you never will, because you can eat when everything hurts without consequenses. Roger that. I'm out.' he didn't get time to get back from his shock before i was gone.

i needed my friends. but i couldn't just ask them to know that, not question or give advice. just the knowledge. i couldn't cry nor talk to them. i could barely even now admit how i was feeling. i had always been damaged, but in a way that has always been put in the dark. the shadows were calling, and i had nowhere else to go.